And if you don’t happen to be as such, well, we can't do anything about that, now can we?
I grew up under a strict Catholic school, where patience is a virtue and getting along is golden – any form of disobedience is met with punishment in the form of social rejection. About four years ago, I used to be largely tolerant of unsettling behavior; life was a haven of peace and camaraderie. It didn’t last long though. A change of settings practically begged me to be frank and intolerant of behavior I deem to be unsolicited.
Staying in a boardinghouse means a lot of things. It can mean doing your own grocery, cooking for yourself, washing your own clothes, or taking care of yourself when you get sick. And then living on a boardinghouse can also mean dealing with different kinds of people. Sometimes these different kinds of people can mean those who are inconsiderate and messy.
Assertiveness is a trait few people have and those who barely have the ability to assert themselves tend to find themselves in very uncompromising situations. I’ve learned how to be assertive and manipulative throughout the course of my college life and it is necessary that you do too. Dictatorship, I believe has definitive potential in boarding house life. It is easier to master and work for your benefit if you try it within your own boarding house – it, of course, didn’t hurt that I am now a college senior and power tripping is quite… an interesting act that I do from time to time.
1. Understand what dictatorship is. For purposes of intellectual conversations between potential dictators, such as you and me, we will use this definition of dictatorship: a dictator’s power or authority, or the period of time during which a dictator rules. This means that dictatorship remains for so long as the individual can exert his or her authority over a certain group of people.
2. Be reasonable. As potential dictators, we will not succumb to the thought of a dictator as a bossy person. ”Orders” are to be given only and only if there is a logical reason at hand. In fact, these are not to be regarded as “orders” but as “demands.” As a potential dictator, you must recognize dictatorship as an art and not a mere instrument as to get your every whim. As an art, every stroke must be aided with careful deliberation.
3. Instill fear and demand respect instead of asking for love and friendship. Love, unlike fear, is very fleeting. People who surround you who love you more than they fear you tend to more unaware of their behavior. Instilling fear is an effective means of keeping people in line, for as long as they don’t congregate and plan to overthrow you. A little farther down in this article discusses how you can instill fear without worrying that people will overthrow you. Demand respect, instead of asking for friendship, because respect is something far easily maintained instead of friendship. Friendship demands emotional investments, and friends tend to ask favors that will exhaust your resources, or worse, weaken your hold among your subjects. Respect on the other hand is maintained by doing good and commendable acts without the emotional investment. For further information on this, read up on Niccolo Machiavelli’s The Prince.
4. Learn to be manipulative. Manipulation is an art that goes hand in hand with dictatorship. To be able to master dictatorship, one must be able to manipulate other people without them realizing that they are being manipulated.
Now that I have discussed the basics, let’s get on with the application.
1. House mates, whether we like it or not, will exist for as long as boarding houses exist and for as long as we stay in them. They can either be your friends or your enemies. I suggest that you keep your friends to those house mates who are your roommates and keep the rest, not as enemies, but as subjects.
2. There are times (and there will always be, to my revulsion) when your housemates get to your nerves, such as when they hog the bathroom when everyone else has to take a bath, dump their dirty dishes in the sink and forget about them, make a mess of the stove by cooking God-knows-what, or when their voices are so deafeningly loud when they talk (when in fact they are inches from each other). A good potential dictator doesn’t immediately demand a shorter bath-time, a cleaner sink and stove or tranquil atmosphere in the boarding house. Instead, a good dictator tests the waters and sees for himself or herself how said housemates will react to a gentle request. Keep your tone light and conversational, but be firm about making it clear that the said behavior bothers you.
3. Observe your housemates’ behavior after that interaction and see whether they tend to your little friendly request. If they do, you must have very nice housemates who, by far, are non-existent. If they don’t, then it’s time to take the overtaking of the boarding house government a notch higher.
4. Remember that the kind of dictatorship that may exist within the boarding house is a little different than that of the government. One must be creative and be able to deconstruct its meaning, purpose and operations.
5. Overtaking of the boarding house government must be tacit and unnoticeable. The idea of control should be unspoken, yet felt. This way, they remain unsure of the fact that you control them.
6. Demands are made firmer, without the conversational attitude. Assume a no-nonsense voice and be clear about what you want and how you want it.
7. In order to instill fear, one must be able to get angry and yet be respectable. To do this, one needs good arguments that benefit all and the uncanny ability to look into another’s eyes with your chin up. Develop good arguing skills. Be a lawyer (insert manic laughter). Explain why the bathroom is a public property, why you refuse to live in a pigsty and why you want to avoid chronic hearing ailments.
8. Remember that this kind of dictatorship is tacit and needs careful watching. Demands that are made must be reasonable and beneficial for all, even though they may not realize that at the moment. Maintaining level headedness when making demands makes it more difficult for one’s subjects to find loopholes in your demands and deduce that you are just being mean and stupid; therefore, “overthrowing” you will not be a collective idea. Take for example, the scenario of a late night where you are studying and some of your housemates are causing a racket in the living room. To demand silence at a late time of the night is reasonable and beneficial for the many who may also be studying or to those who happen to be sleeping. Make sure that you are not making demands that merely benefit yourself. If, by some odd chance, said demands only benefit yourself, learn to manipulate your house mates into believing that these all benefit all of you (insert evil grin).
9. Demands must be made in utter professionalism. They will be purely business and it is expected that as soon as you demand them within your boarding house, you will still interact with your subjects as normally as possible.
10. Maintain good rapport with other influential figures within the boarding house. Any idiot would figure this out. By maintaining good rapport with the influential figures within the boarding house government, the dictator is able to gather support and encouragement from those whose opinions matter in one way or another. Then, he or she can keep his subjects in line through other means as to prevent arousing suspicions of dictatorship (insert applause).
Remember that dictatorship must not be about getting what you want (if it is, at least be smart enough to make it seem like it is not about getting what you want). Oddly enough, it requires a certain regard for the beneficial of all. Hopefully, you will be dealing with less slow-bathing housemates, dirty sinks and stoves and voices that sound like screeching banshees.
